If you don't know ... (Maybe you won't ever know)

I can't figure out how to write this post without getting overly emotional or even a little passive aggressive. My goal is to just explain that this surgery isn't just a little thing, and is a lot more serious than others will ever understand, it seems. 

I am a really active person. It usually involved running somewhere around 20 miles per week, but since I haven't been able to run distances bc of the hip pain, I can manage to do 20-30 minutes of low impact cardio several days per week (the bike, elliptical, stepper, ARC machine). Not to mention lifting weights. However, my true love is running- even though I don't always love it. :) 

Bc of my hip pain, it's been more difficult for me to be able to do anything active. The severity of pain differs for what activity I'm doing, but that's incredibly defeating. How is it that I'm only 30 and still "young", but the only options for relief is either NOT being active, or surgery? I feel like bc of my age, NOT being active wasn't an option. I hope to have 30 years+ of activity! 

Let's talk pain ...

I feel like I don't know how to describe it accurately than constant sharp, sometimes shooting, burning, achy pain. Sometimes I feel relief when I don't do activity for awhile- but like I said, I like being active! I had to give up running entirely a couple of weeks ago bc I hurt badly for 2 days afterwards worse than just everyday stuff. 

The point is, without feeling it, you don't know what's it's like. It's a strange thing. Not to mention, it's not one of one things that just "goes away" over time. It's the shape of your bones rubbing on each other. Time cannot heal that. I could try to "give it time" for years and it still wouldn't go away on its own. 

My decision to have the surgery did not come easy. At all. I'm fact, I am still really, really nervous, just 4 days away from my surgery. I won't know if it will have been worth it for months (but better to try than just sit around doing nothing about it). And I feel as though since I'm still walking around fine, still working out, and living my everyday life- that people assume that I'm "fine", and don't need a surgery. Nor do people understand that by my signing up for the surgery, that I'm signing up for a really long and likely painful recovery. Did I choose to do it? Yes. I'll take responsibility for that. But the alternative was living a sedentary life, and that's not ok with me. 

Someone asked me the other day "Is it just a scope surgery?" Well.... Yes.... but it's way more intensive than other "scopes" (I say that from experience on a scope I had done 6 years ago). During my surgery I will have my hip actually dislocated to be able to do the shaving of bone, etc. That's pretty invasive if you ask me. After surgery I won't be able to sit at a 90 degree angle for a little while. I'll have too learn how to walk again, basically. 

Ok I'm rambling. I think I'm just kind of fed up with the misunderstanding of this surgery and recovery. Not to mention my pain tolerance (if I'm just being a "baby"). This is where I have to say, I'm so thankful for my husband and his incredible support. I asked him the other day, when he realized it was more serious, and he said when he went to the doctor with me, and heard all about this condition and the details of the surgery and rehab. It took him going to the doctor to fully grasp what's going on with my hip, and that made me sorry I can't have a whole panel of people at the doctor with me, so that they too understand. But regardless, my husband is fully supportive of my decision and I'm blessed to have his help (emotionally, physically, etc) through this journey. If he is all I would have, that would have to be enough for me!