Back to running regularly ...

It's been awhile since I've posted! I was just thinking last night I needed to update the blog, bc it's not often you see success stories with FAI type surgeries, and I kind of am one, so I wanted to bring hope to others. 

I think I last mentioned that I started ART with my chiropractor, and I swear by it. First let me say, I went in there with a sharp pain in my left hip, and an achey right hip. But 3 weeks of ART, I felt pretty normal! At that point, I decided to give running a try. My doctor had mentioned I could start around 10 weeks anyways, and I was right at that point. 

I will admit I was really nervous going into it, but I went to my high school track and did 1 lap, paused, another lap, pause, for a total of 1 mile. I felt great!! I did that another time, and eventually added another lap or 1/2 mile. A week later, and me feeling good, I decided to try the 2 mile race I signed up for. I was planning on just walking it, but I decided why not just run it. I did that and while my hips felt fine, my lungs weren't used to running 2 miles nonstop, ha ha. 

Here we are 5 week later, and I just did a 5 mile run a few days ago. During the week I usually do 3 mile runs about three times per week, with a slightly longer run on the weekend that I built up to.

I'll admit I do have bad days every now and then, but it doesn't feel like it used to before surgery, and I almost wonder if I would feel "normal" if I didn't run. However, I'm a runner, so I wouldn't know. :) 

My friend talked me into signing up for a half marathon, which would take place 5 months post op. Except I am not going to push myself. The 5 miles I did were fine, but I know when I get up to maybe 8 or 9 it'd be a different story. I just don't want to make anything worse. So if I waste $100 bucks bc I don't go through with it, so be it. 

I also am debating on whether or not I even want to do the surgery on my right hip this year. I'm leaning towards not, but I don't want to rule it out.

So that's my apdate right now!

9 weeks out

I'm officially 9 weeks post op, and only 3 more sessions of PT! Really 2 more weeks, but I am going out of town so will only go once next week, and twice the following week. But I will be SO HAPPY to be done with PT. Honestly that's part of the reason I am hesitant to get surgery on my left hip this fall, I am just so so over going to PT. Idk if it's bc my therapist isn't there anymore, or bc I can do everything on my own but still have to pay to make somebody make me do it .... Not sure. But mentally it's exhausting and I'm done with it. 

I did start ART (Active Release Technique) last week... And so far so good. After the first visit I noticed a change for a couple of hours. I had my second visit yesterday and I am feeling a really good sore and no pain. The chiropractors (who do my ART) said I should have no pain after 8ish visits- if it worked. There is usually a good chance of major improvement by then in patients. I'm hopeful. My right (op) hip feels better... my left is just meh though. They think I shouldn't have to get surgery on it, and this technique should work. I'm not holding my breath but I would like that very much. 

I do to for my left hip injection at the hospital on Monday. It's the protocol for surgery, so I figure why not. Plus, I've usually experienced the most pain after being in the car for a period of time, and we are going on a 7 hour trip this week, so it's perfect timing to have it done the day after we get home. 

Also, I would like to try running next week ... Maybe Wednesday or so. I'm going to start with 1 minute on, 1 minute off, for a total of 5 minutes. If it feels okay, do that a few times and add a minute or two for a few more times, etc. I'm sure I will be so out of shape that this will also help to ease back into it, hehe.

I would love to be running, even 1-2 miles (!) at a time when it's volleyball season. I loved doing that last year and felt good and active when I was coaching girls to be active. Even if I have to stop in October for another surgery, it'd be nice to get back into it a little. 

Blah feeling

The past probably week or so has been pretty miserable for me. My left non op hip has been screaming at me, and I think it's bc of my trip my columbus for my 6 week post op, and just sitting in the car for a long period of time. I mean, misery. I have been taking either a pain pill or some kind of NSAID every single day since then. My right hip that I DID have the surgery on didn't even hurt this bad before surgery. 

My husband, kids, and I are going on a mini vacation in 3 weeks, LUCKILY my injection is the day after we return, bc that's a 7 hour carride that I know will kill my left hip.

My right one has been just okay ... I definitely feel outer hip pain, mostly where the top of my it band is. The doctor said I might get that for awhile, and I'm not fully healed until 6-8 months post op. Foam rolling has become my close friend, and actually helps quite a bit!

I'm not sure if I'm just overdoing it at the gym, or what. I was doing the gym exercises given to me at PT about 4x per week, but I cutting back to 3, and only doing the other things 3x per week as well. 2 of each being at PT. But I just can't seem to feel normal right now, since my longer carride last week. 

So today and tomorrow I won't be doing any working out other than riding my bike, which feels weird. In fact, I cut back to 3x per week at the gym, plus the 2x at PT. It doesn't seem like a lot, especially to me, but I still have burned out feelings. But I feel like I need to make due with this schedule to help with healing better. By backing off of working out, which is hard for me.

Which kind of means no more yoga, so I basically just wasted that money by buying a month package. Ugh. But I'd rather waste it than to push myself too much and re injure myself.

Yoga

A friend talked me into trying yoga last week ... and there was a package that was for first time guests only, where you can get 1 month unlimited. So I did it, I didn't love it, but is signed up for the package. My main reason was that it's a good stretch, AND I can't really do anything else (besides the lifting I've been doing), so I figured why not?

I have to say, it does help in that if my hip hurts beforehand, I feel better after. 

I probably won't do it after this month is up, but never say never.

My doctor did mention that I could probably start using the elliptical around the 8 week mark, and then start slowllllly running around the 10ish week mark (we are talking, 1 minute on, 1 minute off, etc). 

I might it have a need for yoga after, but I do enjoy it more than I did the first day. 

6 week post op appt

I did my usual trek to columbus to have my 6 week post op appt. I guess we didn't talk much about the surgery other than looking at the x rays, bc my mouth kept going on and on about surgery #2 for my left hip. 

We talked a good bit about possibly doing it in October ... Which would be after my volleyball season ends (I coach), and before my husband starts coaching basketball. That would be 5ish months apart. 

Until then, I'm still doing PT. It's been moved to twice per week bc it's getting more intense, as my PT put it. However, the bad news is, my PT changed jobs, so she I won't be my PT anymore. That makes me really unhappy bc she's been following me and working on me since months before the actual surgery. I feel like the other PT at the office, while I'm sure he's great, doesn't know me and my limitations and how I can push things, and etc. Just really super bummed out. 

So anyways, the doctor ordered me a hip injection for my left hip, and also when I go for my 3 month follow up, I'll get an MRI on the left hip as well. So I guess 2014 is the year of correcting my darn hips! 

New PT schedule

Since I'm now 4 weeks out, I was given a different routine for my PT. Man am I sore today! Mainly my right butt, so I'm going to have to even it out so my left butt doesn't look like a huge difference, ha ha. 

I can now add resistance to the bike to my comfort level. Yesterday I just did 2 bc I don't want to push it right off the bat. I was thinking I'd just move up each couple of times. But actually, I was only doing 4-5 before surgery anyways. 

We also did a lot of strength training exercises. In the gym I did:

Leg adductors

Leg abductors

Leg press (maybe like 75 lbs and it was super easy)

Hamstring curls

The machine you stand up at and do one leg at a time for your butt, and then side.

At PT we did:

Leg lifts- 4 ways (front, side, back, side)

Lunges

Walk sits

Walking backwards in squat form with a rope

Romanian dead lifts with 5 lb weights

Stair one leg squats (this was hard!)

Bridges lifting one leg up at a time

Planks

I was at PT for a good hour, too, maybe even a tad longer (& I went to workout on my own before going to PT, so I was SPENT after that). However, she told me to do the gym exercises one day, and the PT exercises the next, and alternate, that way I'm not killing myself every day. I'm at the gym about 4-5 times per week anyways, so that works for me. 

I didn't do anything yesterday though, bc I was so sore! 

But maybe my legs won't be so jiggly after a month of this, hehe. I feel like you can lose definition FAST on your legs! 

4 weeks post op

Yesterday marked 4 weeks from my surgery, and I'm doing pretty well. I would say great, but over the weekend I tweaked my hip a bit. My 2 year old was puking at all hours of the day, and I had to be a ninja and move in ways I didn't know I could in order for her to not puke on my bed or carpet. So, it was a little sore but I'm doing better each day.

Otherwise, my left (non op) is doing awful, as usual. But even more so than my right hip was pre surgery, bc the left is CONSTANT, whereas the right was bad only after certain things. Sigh ...

But I'm up to 20 minute on the bike, but still as level 1 resistance. I will ask my PT when we can move up. 

As far as exercises go, the things that I've been doing that I think help, are: (I don't know technical names)

Glute/quad squeezes (same time). 5 seconds at a time, 30 times.

Inner thigh squeeze with ball in between legs. Hold for 5 seconds, 30 times.

Band wrapped around your knees, bring knees out. Hold for 5 seconds, 30 times.

Bridges, squeezing glutes, with ball in between your knees. 5 seconds at a time, 30 times.

I've also done heel slides, laying on side and lifting leg up x30, and standing while moving leg/hip in circular motion. But those things I think I've moved beyond at this point. My PT did say we will start new exercises this week, though.  I've also only been doing them once a day too, instead of twice.

I've only been going once per week since I'm doing so well, but I imagine it'll be like twice a week once we start doing more intense stuff. 

2 week check up (and 21 days post op!)

I had my 2 week check up on Friday, and so thankful to get those pesky stitches removed. I was just getting sick of having to keep them covered in the shower, and the band aids were starting to irritate my skin too. 

I saw the NP that I really like, and she really reiterated to take it easy, even if I'm feeling good. 

The horrible thing is, my left (non op) hip is feeling worse than my op hip. Ugh. But, I'd rather get surgery #2 over with this year as well, so that I can hopefully be done with them and really get to recovery. My doctor said +/- 6 months they could do the other hip. So at my 6 week post op I'm going to hopefully get the ball rolling, in hopes of a surgery mid October before my husband starts coaching basketball and can't help out as much. 

Even though it's already annoying now, driving 2 hours to and from appointments will really be annoying as can be then. 

Still lifting upper body in the gym, still doing PT twice a day (at home, just 1-2 times per week do I actually go to PT). I will go over my exercises in another post later!

17 days post op!

I have been doing great, all weekend too. Some days I forget I had surgery at all! But today for some reason, the side of my hip hurts pretty bad. But I did forget to do my stretches last night so maybe that's it.

I'm up to 15 minutes on the bike, and I do it in the morning for "fasted cardio", hehe. Gotta get it in somehow!

I am really missing running, especially this time of year. So desperately. The hubs and I signed up for a 2 mile race when I will be 10 weeks post op. I fully intend on walking and pushing the kids in the double stroller, but I couldn't not do it. It's my favorite race ever! I did the 5 mile run last year, and the 2 mile the year before. I just love everything about it. 

But hopefully by the fall I can at least start up running, if not be running 5ks by then! I want to do some races this year!

I'm going to leave a picture of my stitches. I actually go for my 2 week post op appt on Friday, and I'll get them removed, thank goodness.

10 days post-op

I feel like everything has been pretty steady the past few days. Nothing changing much- which is sort of a bummer but I'm also still ahead of recovery so I shouldn't be too down on myself. I was telling a friend the other day that I'm doing really well, and sometimes it's not always a good thing bc I feel so good but still can't do things like I used to! Or I overdo it bc I'm feeling good at the time, and pay for it later. 

That's kind of how the past few days have played out. Feel great in the morning, but by the afternoon I'm laying down icing for the rest of the night.

The good news is- my PT cleared me for lifting upper body. So I have been in the gym the past two mornings. My plan is to go 4x per week, and add a 5th when I can. It's all upper body, so it's not as much as I want- but I'm so happy to be doing something!

Not to mention my twice per day PT exercises! I'm also up to 10 minutes on the bike, twice per day. 

I think my biggest complaint is my back- which may or may not be related to FAI anyways. But my PT said when I can get my abs stronger too (not until 4-6 weeks after surgery, though) that it should help a lot.

So anyways, just trucking along. I haven't been eating great but I hope to fix that next week- officially 2 weeks post op!

Day 7 post op

I'm in my CPM machine right now, and it's set at a 90! That's what I was supposed to be at by 2 weeks post op! 

2 days ago I wrote that I ig he have overdone it by a trip to the grocery store ... It was the truth. So all day Saturday I did nothing but lay around all day, besides doing my exercises twice that day. It must have done the trick bc I feel great so far! Even though I've only been up for about 45 minutes. :) 

My lower back on the right side has been hurting a bit, like it did pre surgery. My doctor warned me it might not be related to FAI at all, but I was hoping it would so that annoying pain could go away. My friend who had the same surgery came over on Friday, and told me that it does. So I'm still holding out hope!

Day 5 post-op

I'm just sitting here in my CPM machine, bc my thigh was starting to tighten up a bit. Probably bc I might have overdone it a bit today. My husband and I went to the grocery store (after dropping the kiddos off at my sister's for the day) bc we are going to a "Freezer meal" party tomorrow. I think it was just too much walking. Not to mention, prepping food for said party and being on your feet. The CPM is actually helping out the tightness though. 

Speaking of, I probably only have been using it 3-4 hours per day. It's just hard to get it all in when I was going to PT, and doing stretches and icing, etc. Plus I like some time to not have my leg hooked up to something! 

I have been doing pretty good. I don't need the crutches at all unless I'm going longer distances. I attribute that to being really active and lifting up until surgery. I know I can't push it though otherwise. 

Last night I slept GREAT, bc I was able to sleep on my stomach! Before that my back was starting to hurt from laying in 1-2 positions all the time! 

I'm also starting to get my appetite back. I told myself I'd take it easy for a week or two and then really buckle down on diet. Although, I haven't been stuffing my face or anything, bc I really couldn't anyways! No room for some reason (maybe bc I haven't pooped in 5 days- sorry TMI). 

Still doing PT exercises twice a day and riding my bike twice a day for 5 minutes no resistance. 

Still taking pain meds but feel like I could space then out much further. I am just really sore and I bet a lot of that is from PT itself! 

Not going stir crazy yet, but going "this house needs cleaned!" crazy. :)

Surgery details

Man, this laying around thing is actually pretty exhausting! I'm pretty sure I had in my head that I'd have time to watch all the shows, read all the books and blogs, and be able to complete anything I wanted. But I was clearly mistaken! I'm just so tired and have such low energy, and I use a lot of it at PT, or just walking to the bathroom every hour. I literally feel like I'm taking turns in the Game Ready and CPM  too. 

I'm not in a lot of pain other than this burning/tingling feeling in my leg where the incisions are. Obviously I'm sore, but I'm not in any hip pain like I've had. So that's good. 

But you probably want to hear how the surgery went .... And luckily, it went awesome- as far as my doctor was concerned! I think I was in surgery for 3.5 hours, and most of that was shaving the bone down. Apparently, my impingement was pretty bad, that it was putting pressure on my cartilage and making it soft (it's not supposed to be soft). I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I think that if it were to continue going on (like if I didn't get the surgery), I would've gotten arthritis pretty early and probably a total hip replacement. So my doctor actually said he was glad we caught it early, which makes me feel SO much better about getting the surgery done, too.

The other good news is .... I didn't have to get my labrum repaired! No anchors into my bone! Yay! So that'll mean easier recovery. Apparently some of the labrum was fraying at the edges, so he just cut it off, but it wasn't torn. 

He gave me several pictures, and one of them showed all of the irritation where the impingement was, so again, that confirms I made the right decision. I know i was really hard on myself and kept questioning if I should go through surgery, but after all is said and done, and from what my doctor said I think we are all in agreement it was the right thing to do. 

In fact, it makes me want to do the other one later this year for sure. Of course, I'm still hoping all of the symptoms on my non operative hip will disappear, bc no surgery is better than no surgery though, ha ha!

I had PT today and I go again tomorrow, but it wasn't bad at all. I also rode the bike at no resistance for 5 minutes, and was told I could do that twice per day. My therapist gave me a talking to about not pushing it, bc she knows I love to be active but I can not overdo it now. I feel like I have no worries in the state I am now, bc I'm just so tired! In fact, I know I wanted to try lifting upper body soon, but I literally couldn't if I wanted to! No energy! Maybe once I am completely off pain medicine I'll feel better ...

Surgery = complete!

I'm not even sure where to begin. But I do know I have low energy so hopefully I can finish this post before falling asleep. 

For starters, I got up at 1:30am to shower with some special soap, and we hit the road at 2:30am to drive to Columbus. We had to check in at 5am. Everything went pretty well in pre-op, but once I saw the NP (whom I really like),the  tears started flowing. Just nervousness. Then the doctor came in and signed my right leg, followed by anesthesia to go over that. Before I know it, I'm getting wheeled back to the OR. On the way they gave me meds to make me a little loopy. I remember scootching over to the operating table, and the nurse said they had to go around and introduce themselves and their roles in this surgery. At the time there were maybe 6 people in the room, but I fell asleep after the 2nd person (my doctor) said his name. :)

Next thing I know, I'm being woken up. It seemed like it was from a dream, and then I realized how badly my right hip felt, and it all came back to me- that I just had surgery. I think I was going in and out of sleep, but I was also crying bc of the pain. I can remember my doctor asking the post-op nurse how I was, and she said I woke up crying--- I feel like I tend to do that after surgeries. Anyways, my doctor briefly went over the surgery, but that was a little foggy to me. From my hip down to my knee felt like immense pressure from all the fluids. I mean, brutal! It felt like a balloon that was about to pop! My actual hip did not hurt much, just the pressure was unbearable! I was given more pain meds, and I started feeling a little sick. 

Suddenly, it was time for my nurse to go to lunch, so I got these 2 male nurses. Here's where it all went downhill. I was in terrible pain and crying, and they were talking about apartment hunting. Then they were saying they wanted me to get dressed so I could go home. For all I knew I just woke up 2 minutes ago! Finally my nurse came back. My doctor also came back again and went over everything again for me, and I was able to understand a bit better (more on that later). Once he left, my husband came back to wait with me. I was dressed at this time, and they called PT to come meet with me. She gave me a few exercises to do at home, and had me practice with the crutches. Getting up to move around made me feel SO SICK. But they sat me down in a wheelchair so I could get ready to go to the car. 

Side note: I remember my doctor telling me that I would stay the night if my pain wasnt under control, or I was really sick coming out of anesthesia. Well, the nurses made a bad call in sending me home bc I felt that way until 8 hours later.

So I'm wheeled out to the car, get situated, and start throwing up. A lot. But we kept driving. I was also in and out of sleep too. But the drive was just miserable. I felt horrible and sick. 

We got home and I'm still not in any better shape. Just lots of sobbing. I finally force myself to eat Jello to settle my stomach, and it seemed to work. I took a nap while hooked up to my CPM machine, and woke up feeling much better around 7pm. I could eat Goldfish crackers and finally take more pain meds. 

The rest of the night and all of today was a bit of the same- ice with the Game Ready, do the CPM, my PT exercises, take meds, nap. My parents brought us dinner tonight so that was good. 

All in all, once I got over the initial awful phase, it's been going fairly well. I'm really sore, but doing ok. I don't have to use my crutches but for stability. I don't use them a lot bc it's just easier not to half the time. 

Tomorrow I have PT in the morning, but not before a shower that I'm really excited about, hehe. The kids are going to my sisters house for the day... I think that'll be so good for them bc they seem

to be going stir crazy in the house- at least the little one. 

I know I left off details of the actual surgery, but I will have to do that tomorrow. I'm just exhausted after writing this much!

2 more days ...

I just finished my last hardcore workout for awhile, I imagine. I was actually growing quite fond of my workout routine. I'd lift 4 days per week, and then do 20-30 minutes of hard sweating-buckets cardio afterwards- which usually consisted of the stair stepper or ARC machine. I also did about 4 25-minute sessions of fasted biking each morning, too. I have grown so much appreciation for hose workouts where you feel like you earned your shower. I got those with running too, obviously, but these felt just as great. 

My surgery is in 2 days. Actually, in exactly 48 from this moment, I will already be out of surgery and quite possibly on my way back home to my girls. One thing that I'm actually having a really difficult time with is not being able to really "care" for my girls for a bit. My husband will have to do mostly everything for at least the first few weeks. They can pretty much just lay in bed with me, and that's it. That realization is really hard on me. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears daily bc of it. Not to mention, my big girl is starting kindergarten in the fall, and it feel like I'd be missing out on the last few months we have her at home all day. I was actually thinking of pulling out all of their Disney movies, and we can watch movies together everyday. 

I feel like, lately, every time I do something- even like putting on makeup while standing at the counter, I'm like "Probably won't be able to stand up to do it for awhile!" I'm not taking a thing for granted beforehand. It's really hard bc I'm not in awful pain day in and day out- more like a nagging burning pain that if I HAD TO I could deal with it (but if you read my last post, I explained why I chose not to deal with it everyday and get a surgery instead). But in just 48 hours (or less), I will have that awful pain, most likely all day long, too! For weeks, or months! And this is the part where I go whhhhhyyyyyyy am I doing this? Should I just not show up to my surgery??

Anyways, we are down to the wire and I'm doing my best to get everything ready. For myself, the kids, the dogs, the house, and whatever I can do to make it easier on my husband. Not to mention, I just got a pedicure and eyebrow wax, so that I won't have to do those for awhile either. :) As luck would have it, we were invited to a freezer-cooking party, so that'll be some of our frozen meals so I won't have to cook, or eat my husbands Mac-n-cheese every night. :) Oh! And we got my handicap parking pass too.

Next time I post, I'll have had my surgery. Oy vey ...

If you don't know ... (Maybe you won't ever know)

I can't figure out how to write this post without getting overly emotional or even a little passive aggressive. My goal is to just explain that this surgery isn't just a little thing, and is a lot more serious than others will ever understand, it seems. 

I am a really active person. It usually involved running somewhere around 20 miles per week, but since I haven't been able to run distances bc of the hip pain, I can manage to do 20-30 minutes of low impact cardio several days per week (the bike, elliptical, stepper, ARC machine). Not to mention lifting weights. However, my true love is running- even though I don't always love it. :) 

Bc of my hip pain, it's been more difficult for me to be able to do anything active. The severity of pain differs for what activity I'm doing, but that's incredibly defeating. How is it that I'm only 30 and still "young", but the only options for relief is either NOT being active, or surgery? I feel like bc of my age, NOT being active wasn't an option. I hope to have 30 years+ of activity! 

Let's talk pain ...

I feel like I don't know how to describe it accurately than constant sharp, sometimes shooting, burning, achy pain. Sometimes I feel relief when I don't do activity for awhile- but like I said, I like being active! I had to give up running entirely a couple of weeks ago bc I hurt badly for 2 days afterwards worse than just everyday stuff. 

The point is, without feeling it, you don't know what's it's like. It's a strange thing. Not to mention, it's not one of one things that just "goes away" over time. It's the shape of your bones rubbing on each other. Time cannot heal that. I could try to "give it time" for years and it still wouldn't go away on its own. 

My decision to have the surgery did not come easy. At all. I'm fact, I am still really, really nervous, just 4 days away from my surgery. I won't know if it will have been worth it for months (but better to try than just sit around doing nothing about it). And I feel as though since I'm still walking around fine, still working out, and living my everyday life- that people assume that I'm "fine", and don't need a surgery. Nor do people understand that by my signing up for the surgery, that I'm signing up for a really long and likely painful recovery. Did I choose to do it? Yes. I'll take responsibility for that. But the alternative was living a sedentary life, and that's not ok with me. 

Someone asked me the other day "Is it just a scope surgery?" Well.... Yes.... but it's way more intensive than other "scopes" (I say that from experience on a scope I had done 6 years ago). During my surgery I will have my hip actually dislocated to be able to do the shaving of bone, etc. That's pretty invasive if you ask me. After surgery I won't be able to sit at a 90 degree angle for a little while. I'll have too learn how to walk again, basically. 

Ok I'm rambling. I think I'm just kind of fed up with the misunderstanding of this surgery and recovery. Not to mention my pain tolerance (if I'm just being a "baby"). This is where I have to say, I'm so thankful for my husband and his incredible support. I asked him the other day, when he realized it was more serious, and he said when he went to the doctor with me, and heard all about this condition and the details of the surgery and rehab. It took him going to the doctor to fully grasp what's going on with my hip, and that made me sorry I can't have a whole panel of people at the doctor with me, so that they too understand. But regardless, my husband is fully supportive of my decision and I'm blessed to have his help (emotionally, physically, etc) through this journey. If he is all I would have, that would have to be enough for me!

2 weeks away...

In just two weeks time, I'll have undergone surgery for FAI. ::insert wide eyed emoji here::

I'm really starting to get depressed about the whole situation. Why is it different than last week? Well bc now it's becomming really real. I literally have thoughts of emailing or calling my surgeon daily and asking all sorts of questions- mostly in the panicky form though. For one, like, am I going to die in surgery bc I couldn't handle the anesthesia? Ugh, that thought makes me cringe. I know it's silly, but I literally just read about a guy in his 30's who did die while having knee surgery. So I'm all sorts of panicked about that. I have nightmares about leaving my kids no mother, all bc I wanted to be active again without pain. 

I also imagine me breaking down crying pretty regularly after surgery. I'm a sensitive girl anyways, so add pain to the mix and just emotionally exhausted, I see lots of tears in my future. 

Aside from my mental freak outs ... I have officially hung up my running shoes. I ran just twice last week on the treadmill, and it hurt badly that entire day and the next, at least. Even sitting in the car was awful. I feel like that's my body's way of telling me to chillax, maybe get some other form of cardio in as well. So fasted cardio will have to be on my bike the next 2 weeks. 4-5 times per week, whatever I can muster. I will say- it's nicer than the treadmill bc I was so badly starting to hate running bc of how boring it was. I also did the elliptical and ARC trainer at the gym last week, and didn't hate it. So I'm hoping to do 3-4 days of that per week until my surgery, too. Just in an effort to shed some more calories. 

I actually read that the recovery is easier for those who were pretty active up until surgery. I'm hoping that's me, only time will tell. At least if I give up running right now, I won't be as inflamed... 

Ryan (my husband) and I are going to the gym together this weekend for the sole purpose of getting a routine down that I can do for upper body, and figuring out how much weight I can use without putting stress on my joint and core. I'm hoping to get maybe two of those "sessions", to really be able to identity for afterwards what I can and should not do. I've worked really hard to build muscle during my "bodybuilding" phase, that I don't want to lose what I do have!

That's it for now ... I think I want to touch on how I feel like people don't really get the seriousness of this surgery in my next post. 

Emotions before getting FAI surgery

I was just sitting on the couch yesterday during the girls' nap time, and I took it upon myself to browse google for FAI blogs. (Which is actually why I started this one, bc they are kind of rare.) (And also bc I found the ones I did see pretty helpful.) I know that the recovery after surgery is a pretty lengthy one, not to mention exhausting- emotionally too. But after reading other people's stories- I just broke down into tears. How can somebody possibly be ready to endure months and months of pain, question, fear, and still manage to push through? I cried bc, will I ever be able to get back to the running I so loved to do? Will I have to do PT exercises daily for MONTHS through the exhaustion? Will I get be pain free after all is said and done?

It's kind of weird, also, that my hip pain has actually increased greatly in the past few weeks. Not to mention- my left (non surgical) hip as well. I wrote in a previous post that I have FAI in both hips- but since my right one is more painful we are operating on that one first, with talks of doing the left hip later this year. 

So if you're hearing me, that's one full year (plus) of rehabbing my hips. I am tired just thinking about it. But I have this fight in me. It makes me want to do everything I can possibly do for a great experience, and a full recovery to be able to run half marathons again, and quite possibly, a full. 

So I have my good days and bad days. On my good days is where I am having pain that I'm like "heck yeah wheel me I to the operating room right now!" But then I have bad days, where I still have some degree of pain, but that I worry about everything. I worry about the pain of surgery and the weeks after while healing, the PT, how will I be able to take care of my girls, will I be able to do the things I used to on a daily basis, will I be bored to tears laying around watching TV (I have a feeling it's not as relaxing as it sounds), will I gain an enormous amount of weight, how will I cook, etc etc etc. 

Yes, I am terribly worried about my weight and being able to take care of my body while being relatively sedentary. I mentioned in my blog that I had gotten used to being able to eat what I wanted within reason while running, and once that came to a halt, I had to really curb my eating and switch up my exercise. Although I aim to eat clean about 85-90% of the time, I still enjoy my goodies: like a weekly Starbucks trip, a soda per week, maybe a donut or ice cream trip too. That's life. And I can't tell myself to not have a treat every now and then. However, right now I'm still able to do some cardio and weight lifting, to keep my metabolism up. What on earth will I do when laying around for several weeks after surgery? 

I have yet to find a blog that talks about how they dealt with this situation. Maybe I'm just an odd person out and nobody else worried about this or found it to be a problem, but I am somebody who has to work for my shape by more ways than just eating healthy. I am truly worried about this issue and I hope I can figure out a way to maintain my weight- and to be able to get my heart rate up somehow for activity. 

My hope is that I will eat even cleaner (maybe 90-95%, but with a planned cheat meal, coffee outing, and dessert per week to maintain my sanity), and by lifting weights for my upper body. I know I will need to talk in depth with my physical therapist about what I can do, though, so that I don't aggravate my hip after surgery. 

I also worry that I will eat out of boredom from laying around a lot, and gain 100 lbs. :-| 

Anyways. I think it's all relative on how my mind is all over the place right now. I won't know if it will have been worth it for several years. But in the meantime I'm just hoping to stay on par with my goals throughout this process!!!

Pre-Op, and then some

Ever since my last appointment, I had decided to take it upon myself to eat much cleaner. I think I had been in denial for 4 months that I wasn't a runner anymore, that I should stop eating like I was. I should clarify that I don't nor will I ever eat 100% clean. I love all the food, and I need my treats! I'd say I'm somewhere along the lines of 85-90% clean, though. In addition to that, I decided that I would do fasted cardio until my surgery (I was already 2 weeks in, but it would be a total of 5 weeks). Since I could run with the least amount of pain on my treadmill, I stuck to doing that for 20-30 minutes per session, OR riding my exercise bike for about 30 minutes. I also kept up with my strength training at the gym ... but I had an epiphany one day ...

When my hip first started hurting and I couldn't run like I had been used to, I was mad. I would see another runner and huff. I would get my runner's magazine in the mail and toss it aside without even reading it. When I saw people writing about a race they did, I'd be so jealous and mad. 

I didn't like that person I was becomming. I'd make the comment of "If there is any time to not run, it's during winter!" especially when we were having the worst one in years- but thinking that would make me feel a little bit better. 

Then something happened. I can't pinpoint what it was, but it was when I came to the realization that I was not a bodybuilder like I was trying to turn into: I was a runner. And whether I had an injury or not and I just couldn't physically run like I used to, I was still a runner. And I'd get back to that point again someday. And if I was going through this surgery I was committing to a marathon one day, dang it. 

But I decided I'd still lift. For strength, for definition, for overall health, for aide in running. Plus after surgery I can't do much cardio anyways, so I'd still strength train in the meantime (& hopefully once I'm back to normal, in conjunction with running). 

Now that my epiphany is out of the way, and that I declare myself a runner (that still lifts), I have to go over my pre-op appointment.

My husband and I drove back to OSU on Friday, April 18. It was actually a nice day out for us. We dropped the kids off at my sisters, and drove 2 hours away. First stop was my ct scan that took all of 5 minutes! After that we went to Moe's- it's our favorite restaurant that we do not have near us! We stilled time to kill before my appt with Dr. Ryan, so we went to Polaris and did some shopping. But eventually we were lead to my appointment. 

I first met with a nurse who took my weight, etc, and I was excited to learn I had lost about 5 lbs in just 2 weeks of eating clean, plus fasted cardio (probably a lot of water weight, too).  Then I met with the Nurse Practitioner who went over the surgery itself, and had me sign some papers. She told me about Game Ready- but my insurance doesn't cover it- which is $300 out of pocket from my surgery date to my first post op appointment - which is about 2.5 weeks of renting. We are doing it, bc I am willing to do anything to help my recovery, and it sounds amazing as it ices and compresses. After we got general questions out of the way, we met with my surgeon, Dr. Ryan. He went over much of the same stuff as well. We talked about my PT plan which he gave me a guide to give to my therapist. I'm going to one in my area since it'd be a bit much to drive 4 hours a day several times per week to go to OSU. :) we also talked about my left hip which had been bothering me, and he stated that if it were also to need surgery, they like to do them about 6 months (give or take) apart, so to have a more stable leg as well. When he pulled up my CT scan, he confirmed that I also have FAI in my left hip as well. So pending on how everything goes ... we are looking at having a 2nd surgery later this year- but we will start the left hip process at my follow up appointments later on. 

I then met with his assistant, and set a surgery date for May 12. That's a Monday, and being that it's 2 hours away and could potentially be first thing in the morning, my mother-in-law is coming on Sunday to stay until Tuesday- she will be with the kids on Monday until we get home- which I am assuming is later that day, and leaving Tuesday morning. My husband will be taking that whole week off of work to help too. Actually, he works from home so even when he does go back to work, he will be able to help out a ton, especially driving me to my PT appointments since I won't be able to drive for up to a month. And speaking of, I met with my PT again yesterday, and she said she will likely have me going to PT 3x per week, and the program is for 16 weeks. I also read about ART and how that aides in recovery, so I'd like to do that about once a week too- maybe after about a month post-op. We will see what my PT and surgeon say. 

Anyways, I'll end this post for now. There are a couple of "deep thoughts" I want to touch on, so I'll be sure to write about them soon, before my surgery!

Finally, a diagnosis!

Since the beginning of February, I gave up on running and being a cardio bunny in general. This upset me, bc I worked so hard to get to where I was at with my running, and also bc it really slimmed me down. I could eat pretty much whatever I wanted and I would still lose weight bc of all the running. I hated to stop that!

But, I still needed to do something physical. I mentioned earlier that I took up strength training, and when I say strength training, I mean I wanted to be a bodybuilder. If I couldn't run, I was going to find something else to do to be active. So I started lifting heavy, drinking protein shakes, taking supplements, etc. I noticed some change in my upper body physically, but in don't think I was ever mentally there. Nor did I like that the scale still didn't change much. (At this point, I had gained 10 lbs from not running.) 

Are you all learning I'm a little vain when it comes to my body? I hate to say it, but I think it's imperative to mention for when I begin to talk about my thought process with surgery and then recovery. But it is what it is, I want to have a nice body that I feel comfortable in and proud of from all the work I put into it. Which is exactly how I felt when I was running so much. 

Moving on.

At the beginning of March I had my consult with Dr. Ryan at OSU. I drove to Columbus by myself that day, stopping first to get an MRI, then to Dr. Ryan's office, where I also got more X-rays. I met with a Nurse Practioner first, whom I really really liked, and then Dr. Ryan himself. We talked about everything I had already done, and then more specifically the pain I had. I mentioned that it was an oddity that every time I went grocery shopping was when I felt it the most (from standing up for so long). And that running outside was way worse than on the treadmill. That the small of my back was very painful, sometimes radiating into my butt. My groin pinched. My hip all up and down it burned and ached. The symptoms worsened with cardio type activity, and that sometimes I had great days with no pain, but I often had horrible days. Sometimes, I would feel like my other hip would act up too, but maybe bc it was overcompensating for my right (painful) hip. 

It was then that dr Ryan pulled up my MRI and X-rays, and gave me the official diagnosis of FAI in my right hip. He also mentioned that the labrum had some fray to it, but wasn't completely torn. His next step was to have me get a hip fluoroscopy injection, but that I could do that in my area so I wouldn't have to travel back just for that. He said that often times that if the hip injection provides somebody with relief from pain, that it's a good indication that the pain is coming directly from the impingement. 

So onward to the hip injection. 

I had it done in my area the following week, and it really wasn't too bad. There was a little bit of pressure, but not terrible. I think I was just more freaked out about this long thick needle going into my hip cavity than anything! Once I got home I was able to access the situation a bit more. I did still feel pain in my low back, and also in my groin, however, the pain up and down my leg was completely gone. This was great news! I even ran the next day and it felt great! 

This was good news to have an official diagnosis, but also defeating news to me, in that it was a good chance I'd need the surgery to feel relief from the pain brought on by FAI. It was at that point that I went back and forth on if I truly wanted to get surgery. On one hand, I didn't feel pain if I hadn't been active. On the other hand, I like to be active, and that's how I keep my shape. But man oh man, after reading other people's FAI stories, I feel like it's gruesome and I didn't want to go through that. I literally wavered back and forth for days and a few weeks on if I wanted to get the surgery. 

Ultimately, I knew that since the condition is bc of extra bone- there was nothing other than surgery that could fix it. And maybe I also came to the realization that I needed it after having a painful couple of days as well. 

I went to my follow up appointment at the beginning of April to see Dr. Ryan again, and this time my husband came with me. I learned here that I had both CAM and PINCER type FAI, as well. We talked about where to go from here. Dr. Ryan is a very conservative guy, that I really feel like wants you to want the surgery 100% before committing to it. He's great in that he makes you think long and hard if you want to go through with it, plus the recovery, etc, and to make sure we know there are other options as well- which is mostly more PT and not being as active in cardio and such. I do understand all of that, but I feel like- in my case- I'm still young, and have a lot of desire left in me to follow my dreams of being a runner again. Something that I could not do at all if I did not have this surgery. 

Another disclaimer- I do understand that the surgery isn't a promise to make me a marathon runner, and that there is always a chance it doesn't make the pain better. But. I have to try. If I don't, I will always live in the land of the "unknown" and "what ifs". 

From there, we schedule an appointment to come back for Pre-Op instructions ...

The long road to a diagnosis ...

I feel like I need to preface this post by saying I always ran, but was never really a runner. I never thought I would be nor did I care to be. I was fine running 1-2 miles, 3x per week. However, I got bit by a running bug, and was asked to join some friends in running a 10k. I caved and did it, and during my training was when I decided to run a Half Marathon, bc "I was already halfway there", and maybe also bc I was up to running a 10k 4 months before the actual race, so I just decided to push myself more.

I didn't end up falling in love with it until about 4 months of really pushing myself. Of course, I still had horrible runs and hated every second, but for the most part, I loved it and feel like I found my nitch. Enter Half Marathon #1. It was just "meh". So I signed up for another just 7 weeks after the first, and it was amazing. So amazing that I was contemplating doing a full marathon a year away (for fall of 2014).  Except, I started getting this nagging hip pain on my right side ...

I went back to my orthopedic surgeon again. Oh wait I forgot to mention the first visit. Basically it was in between half marathon 1 & 2, bc my knee was killing me. He gave me a steroid pack hat I took for one week, and that did the trick completely. (But now that I have a diagnosis of FAI, I know the knee pain was related. More on that later.)

Back to my 2nd ortho visit, where I addressed my hip pain. He diagnosed me with trochanteric bursitis, and told me it should go away on its own, but if it doesn't, to come back in a month.

So, a month passed, and it was back at the ortho bc the pain did not go away. In fact, I distinctly remember during this "month wait", going out for a 9 mile run, and it was brutal. I got to 5 miles and called my husband crying to come pick me up. Eventually I made him take me back bc I wasn't a quitter. I would start running and it was extremely painful, but when I got into the groove it was decent. One time I stopped and started and a horrible flash of pain ran down my groin into my leg and hip, but I pushed through. That was my last longer distance run to date, in mid December 2013.

But back to the ortho for a follow up bc the pain was still present, and he decides to give me a cortisone shot. This was December 23, 2013, and by the beginning of the new year the pain had not decreased at all. I put a call back in to the ortho, and he said to take some time off of running. Onward to a 2nd opinion ...

On January 6, 2014, I went to a different ortho. This experience was awful- but mainly bc of the 2 hour wait and 5 minute actual visit with the doctor, who pretty much concurred with the first ortho in that it was bursitis. Bah humbug!

Another month passed, and I remember my first ortho had mentioned trying the same steroid pack that I had taken for me knee. I decided to give it a go bc I wanted to try everything to get my hip back to normal. I hadn't been running as much yet I was still eating like a long distance runner. Not great for my weight! My ortho also said he wanted me to go to Physical Therapy for one month in addition to the steroid pack. So for the entire month of February, I was dedicated to PT twice a week, plus 4-5 days per week at home. I'd also taken up strength training to build some muscle in my upper body in the meantime.

Disclaimer: since turning into a runner, I have declared myself a fitness fanatic, and have to be doing something to keep my heart rate up and body looking slim!

During one of my PT sessions, my therapist mentioned a labrum tear bc of the pain in my groin. She said there weren't many doctors in my area that dealt with this, that I'd have to go to Ohio State or Cleveland- the two areas closest to me, but first I should give PT a chance.

In the meantime, I was catching up with a high school friend on Facebook, who mentions her previous hip surgery, and I begin to bombard her message box with all kinds of questions. She had FAI surgery in Cleveland, but said if she had to do it all over again, she'd go to OSU. 

Enter my mind going a million miles per second, and my fingers all over google on the iPad. 

Maybe I had FAI...

I finished up with my PT sessions and went back to my ortho for a follow up. I mention FAI and labrum tears, and he agrees that they don't do those in our area, and he'd refer me out. It was then that I decided on my own, to make an appointment with a doctor at OSU, which is 2 hours away from us. 

I feel like I had exhausted all options on treatment- rest, PT, cortisone shot, steroid pack. It was time to move forward and not waste anymore time.

I made my appointment with Dr. Ryan at OSU for the beginning of May...

Why this blog?

I have another blog that I treat as a "baby book" for my girls, but I felt the need to start a blog just based on my upcoming FAI surgery (& so to not hog their blog with my woes!) I feel like FAI is such an uncommon and unknown thing, and something that has really helped me prepare for my surgery is by reading other people's experience with the surgery and beyond through recovery. So my hope is to share what brought me to this point, how my surgery goes, and how I recover. I'm hoping all of it will be helpful to others that are searching for more information, just as I was (and currently am).

I'll include my story and progress in separate posts, but please do not hesitate to email me if you have any questions. Besides just writing to document my experience, I'm doing this for YOU too.

Best,
Meredith